Alright y’all, I ain’t usually the type to point fingers at organized crime — mostly ’cause organized anything ain’t really a mountain tradition — but something’s off about this one place I been keeping an eye on.
There’s a pizzeria a few towns over. Won’t say the name yet ’til I’m sure I ain’t just bein’ cranky about bad pizza, but listen:
1. The food is terrible.
Like, shockingly terrible. The crust tastes like cardboard that lost a bar fight.
2. Prices are stupid high.
You’d think they were importing the sauce from Rome on the backs of purebred racehorses. Twenty bucks for a medium.
And yet —
3. The place is ALWAYS empty.
I mean empty-empty. Middle of the day, middle of the night, doesn’t matter. Nobody goes in. Nobody comes out.
4. They’ve got a new delivery van every month.
Not new-new, but different. Swapped out regular as clockwork. No business that dead needs that many vans.
5. And here’s the kicker:
I’ve seen guys in suits — suits, in western NC — walk in around closing time. No pizza boxes. No takeout bags. Just walk in, stay ten minutes, leave lookin’ satisfied like they just closed a deal with the devil.
Nobody in this county dresses up unless there’s a funeral or a wedding, and the pizza sure as hell ain’t worth dressing up for.
I’m not sayin’ “mob,” but I am sayin’ “money laundering, protection racket, or something that ain’t got a thing to do with pepperoni.”
Anybody else seen weird business fronts around the area? Restaurants that stay open despite makin’ food that tastes like regret and radiator fumes?
I’m just tryin’ to figure out if I’m lookin’ at the local mafia… or the world’s worst cooks with the world’s best accountant.