Okay, folks, I think I’ve found the most pointless, unsettling building in the entire state.
It calls itself a “museum,” but I’m pretty sure even the word museum wants nothing to do with it. The sign out front literally looks hand-painted, like someone copied the font from a 1970s textbook while blindfolded.
Anyway. Against my better judgment (and because I have a degree I’ve done absolutely nothing with), I went inside. Here’s what I found:
1. Every exhibit feels… wrong.
Not scary-wrong. Just incorrect, like the art is trying to imitate things it’s never actually seen. There’s a sculpture of a horse with five legs, but the fifth one is positioned like whoever made it only heard horses described over the phone.
2. The paintings change when you’re not looking.
Not drastically. Just the details. The angles. A shadow that wasn’t there a minute before. I thought maybe I was tired, but after the third time the woman in the portrait shifted her eyes to the opposite corner of the room, I stopped pretending.
3. There’s no staff.
None. No front desk, no security, not even a sad volunteer with a badge and too much free time. Yet the lights were on, and every room felt like it was waiting for someone.
4. The audio guide whispers.
Yes, they actually have one. Yes, I tried it.
No, I don’t recommend it.
It’s supposed to be one of those handheld devices that gives you the history of the pieces. Instead, all I got was this soft murmuring. Couldn’t make out a single word. Same cadence, every room. Like a lullaby in a language that didn’t survive.
5. I felt watched the entire time.
I know that’s cliché, but this was the kind of watching that feels evaluative. Like the building wanted to see what I thought of its collection.
I left as soon as one of the sculptures turned its head a fraction in my direction. I don’t care if it was a trick of the light. I was not sticking around for a repeat.
If anyone else has been here, please tell me if I’m losing it or if this place is actually some kind of entity pretending to be a museum.
And for the record? Even if it’s harmless:
It’s still terrible art.